My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
