I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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