she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
