Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
