This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
