He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize