happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you would pick up someone in the library
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize