Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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