im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
where are you?
Hypothermia
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Drake has all the answers
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
