Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
