I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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