wanna go halves on a baby?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
