Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
