How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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