Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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