taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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