dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
