That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
