I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
