Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize