why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
