If that was your dad, he is hot
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
