Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
