Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
