my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
