I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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