Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Non-Jews are for practice
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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