That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
