There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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