pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
