I hate all girls vehemently.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize