Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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