You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
