it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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