cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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