Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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