my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
