She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
