i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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