A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
