I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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