Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
