well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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