none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
