She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
