Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
