so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
