A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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