My sheets look like a crime scene.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
