She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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