I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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