Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
