Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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