Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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