I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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