His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
