um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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