just come out here and I will go home with you...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
