Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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