Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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