it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
