um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
