Its about making memories worth repressing
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
