Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize