I accidentally burped into my bong.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
