were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish life had little blips of pornography
it glows. i had to have it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
