too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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