dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
