Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Me too!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
