so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
