he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
