is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
