there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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